You'll Never Look At Laundry The Same Again

I used to keep a journal. E-mails I had written, writing assignments I had completed or just random thoughts that needed to get out. On my computer. That I never backed up.

Recently, in case you hadn't heard, I had a catastrophic event involving my hard drive. Today, a friend e-mailed me a copy of something I sent to her 5 years ago.

It's a good thing someone keeps better records than I. Thanks Kelly!

Dated Tuesday, April 27th, 2004

Hi all,

I've been invited by a marketing firm to join a focus group about clothes. I was given the following homework assignment...If clothes could talk, what would they say. I chewed on it for awhile and this is what I came up with.

The other day when the house was quiet (as it usually is at 4am) I heard voices coming from the laundry room. My interest was peaked, but as the mother of 5, I wasn't at at all surprised at what I saw when I opened the door...the lights were on, there was laundry scattered throughout the room, and partially sorted piles of white and darks laid like puddles on the floor.

Interestingly enough, a load of sweat clothes dangled from the edges of the folding table.

As far as the noise, it must've been my imagination, everyone was asleep and the cats had been giving me the silent treatment for years.

Warily, I closed the door thinking it was much too early to start the day. Just as the door clicked behind me, I heard the voices again. It wasn't my imagination, I distinctly heard a loud clear voice proclaim "Last call!"

I opened the door a crack to peek inside just as my bathrobe lifted high a bottle and toasted. "That was a close one fellas!" with that she squirted what was left of the pre-treater onto the play clothes now lined belly up to the table.

A pile of work clothes waved and said goodbye, mumbling something about having to get up early the next day. A posse of Hailey's school cothes giggled and skipped in to the laundry bin, but Sammy's clothes remained, looking tired and worn out.

"What a day", sighed the Old Navy sweatpants to my bathrobe, "hit me again". Bathrobe reached for the detergent and poured Old Navy a shot.

"I don't remember it being this muddy in the springtime." I heard the Garanimals whine.

"Did you see the beating we took when Sam tripped on the playground?" asked the Carters sweatpants. "If it weren't for our roomy fit and reinforced knees, we'd have split at the seams!"

"Did you see how many matchbox cars I carried in my pocket today?" boasted the Oshkosh B'Gosh hoodie.

"Yeah," sympathized the socks "we thought we were the only ones who had to endure having things stuffed inside us. At least you didn't have to eat in the sandbox today when Sam decided to wander out without shoes. Good think we can be bleached to make us presentable again.

"Ya know, that Mom of his sure does put us through the wringer time and time again, and as painful as it is, we always come out looking ready for action."

"That's why she bought us." Explained the wise old hand-me-down Levi's as he hoisted himself up. Every fiber of his being creaked and crackled as he laid down next to the hamper... not having the energy to go any further.

"Better be going guys, she'll be up soon." Commanded Bathrobe as she tidied up the shelf behind her. By the time she turned around every single piece of clothing had fallen asleep on the spot.

Just like Sam, I though, play hard, sleep hard.

Bathrobe silently and gently scooped up the sleeping sweats and carried them to the hamper, tucked them inside, kissed them and stood silently over them for just a moment.

I had to pull myself away as sounds of a hungry baby were emanating from upstairs. I fell asleep while feeding Isaac and when I awoke I wondered if it had all been a dream. I hurried back to the laundry room which was once again in order with no hint of what I had witnessed earlier. My bathrobe was folded neatly on top of the washer and the lights were out.

As I went through my day, I thought about what had happened and convinced myself it was a dream...

After lunch, while the kids napped. I returned to the laundry room, carefully lifted the dirty clothes and placed them in the washer. I switched the machine to the gentle cycle and added just a touch more fabric softener...for the Levi's I told myself...just in case.