Friday, October 24, 2008

A New Job Opportunity

I haven't lost hope that some day civility may rule in my household.

Again, last night, I sat them all down for a game of Quiddler. Again, I met resistance, silliness and nerf bullets. There is a time for such, but it shouldn't be all.the.time.

When I asked Sam if he could retrieve the dictionary, he looked at me with shock. "You ALWAYS make me do it!" then, "It's NEVER where I can reach it." I told him I do that on purpose just to irritate him. Because my life would not be complete if I didn't make everyone cry at least once every day.

Then I thought, what I need here is a Statistician. Someone, not unlike the NFL guys , who take every move and record it for posterity. At strategic moments I could blurt out things like:

This is the 3rd time during regular season play that Sam has been asked to retrieve the dictionary. Yes, and Mort, 2 of those times it has been out of his reach.

or

Do you realize that since the inception of this team, there have been 7, 362 incidents in which inappropriate comments have flown from the mouths of the younger members of this organization while playing at home. It surprises me, Mort, because when they play on the road, they seemingly have much more control.

or

Can someone verify this for me? I'm thinking, Mort, that I did hear her say "no" 12 times to that specific request. Is the replay ready?

or

It's a proven fact, Mort, that when The Mom closes her eyes and sighs, 9 of the last 10 times on a Tuesday, someone has been injured on the next play. I don't know how she does it. Amazing foresight.


Yes, that would make me more credible in the eyes of those who think I ALWAYS pick on them and NEVER the other guy...any volunteers?

2 comments:

gbmom2407 said...

Could not agree more. I LOVE YOUR NEW HEADER.

Elizabeth said...

Okay, I heard the story from Hailey at the last teen event, but your rendition had me in stitches since it so accurately describes our own experiences with Ashley. I think they should get together and form a new club, TWDD teens who don't drive. Elizabeth